Right to Change

I wanted to update quickly...though I know it would be possible to go to night school, work and spend quality time with my family, I don't want to live that way for the next two years. If I could manage it that way, I can certainly manage working three days at the salon and raising my babies. I have to stop letting fear that I will not be able to change my future affect my now. Status quo is not always so bad, so if I really want to be true to myself, I need to just take a breath and enjoy the opportunity I have right now.

Decisions, decisions

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Real life rarely is. But sometimes you just have to make some sort of decision...and make it work. All this time I have been trying to figure out a way to make raising my kids, working and going to school work...the traditional methods I have been looking at have really been all or nothing. I have finally found a part time evening program that begins in the spring that fits my families priorities (being with our children) and current financial needs (being able to pay the bills!)

When I actually made the call to sign up for admission testing, I really didn't know how we were going to cover the cost of school, if financial aid was available, how much hair I would have to cut to pay the credit card if we had to use that (please don't judge--it would have been the last resort...) But once I made the decision to just DO it, everything has been falling into place. Financial aid is available, the schedule fits, and I get to start working on my future, without losing out on being with my children or my necessary income! I have found the best compromise for my life now and my life in the future...all I had to do was decide that I deserved it.

Getting What You Need

You can't always get what you want. But you just might find you get what you need. You've said a mouthful, Mick! Big picture is a comfortable living, meeting our needs and allowing for luxuries. Right now, we're in the little picture...caring for our children at home, working pretty much the opposite of my husband (though not full-time), trying to pay down debt and literally saving change in an electronic counting bank for Date Night. We are not going without, by any means. We are very fortunate we started curbing spending before we bought our house and had our children. But we could have spent less earlier!

We have learned to look ahead to big bills, like taxes, insurance, etc. Planning the year, financially, has been critical to our current success. We have also started a savings account! Yes, at 32 I finally have learned to save money for the things that we don't always see coming. I have really enjoyed to be able to write a check for things that a decade ago I would've just whipped out a credit card for. It feels good to have money to pay for things we need.

I have run the gamut of emotions for my financial past. Annoyance, depression, anger...toward myself as well as my parents for never teaching me financial responsibility. This range of emotion has culminated in the fierce mommy-money-mode that I will change the way we use money and credit, and I will teach my children how to spend, save and plan for their own futures. I refuse to make them feel shame about money.

But we are not where we want to be fiscally. Yet. We know how we want to live and how we want to feel about being able to provide for our future. And we are on the way. I know right now is an in between stage; I've got aspirations, concrete plans...I have seen success in small doses, and I know I want more! I am trying to find balance between being in the moment and planning for the future. My true priority is being the best mom I can and creating a happy, loving and comfortable home. Knowing the difference between the things we want and the things we need is just another daily lesson this mommy needs to remember along the way.

Patience

I am trying to breathe. It's quite alarming, at times, when I realize there seems to be no oxygen in my body. Some days are harder than others, with toddlers you never can tell! I have learned so much about myself as a person by being a parent. Some things I don't like as much, and I embrace the opportunity to improve myself as a human. My children deserve the best mommy in the world, and I have to admit, I struggle with patience sometimes.

I try to roll with things, but I am not very laissez-faire. I am planning a career change into nursing, but it will be another two years until I can begin school. I try to be patient and just enjoy each day as it comes, knowing that one day, my kids will be in chool and I will have the perfect opportunity at that point to go to school myself. But some days I just want to change it all! Not my husband, home, children, but just kind of reset my career button. Nothing I've done is a waste, but I just wish I had done a little more career planning when I was younger.

That is when I need to breathe and dig a little deeper for patience. My favorite thing is to be home with my babies. But since I have to work as well, I just need to remember that these are the things that I need to do to take care of my family. When I do continue my education, it will be for the same reason...to take care of my family. But I will also have the chance to take care of myself a little better, too. After all, I don't want to worry away these precious years that I have my babies all to myself! Once they start Kindergarten, they'll literally be in school for the next 18 years, with college. If they have the rest of their lives for school, then I guess I do too!! So I will harness Guns n Roses and try for just a little patience!!